So... How've you been?

Hello lovelies!  It occurred to me today that I have been neglecting my poor little blog!

To make up for it, here is another Random Things post :)

Thing One:  Movies!!!
So many movies coming out in November that I want to see!! Off the top of my head... Big Hero 6, Mockingjay, and The Imitation Game. I know that's only 3, but considering a that a typical month has maaaybe one, I think it's impressive. Such a random spread too! I feel like it gives a pretty good insight into my personality... you've got the love of disney/animated/adorable, the gotta-see-how-well-they-adapt-this-book-why-are-they-making-it-two-parts-that-seems-unnecessary, and the nerd in me wanting to see 1) Benedict Cumberbatch, and 2) the history behind the one of the coolest set of code-breaking nerds ever!  I'm so excited (and I just can't hide it...etc.).

Thing Two:  Singing in Public
I'm not sure how I missed this about myself before, but it has come to my attention lately that I do an awful lot of singing in public.  I ALWAYS have a song in my head -- whatever I happened to hear last -- and turns out sometimes I'm not just hearing it in my head, I'm also singing it outloud too... yep, this is me, folks.

Thing Three:  It's
I'm pretty sure that once upon a time, someone taught an impressionable young Emmi that "it's" could be a possessive.  I am very upset with that person for confusing young Emmi (and occationally mid-twenties Emmi too...)

Thing Four:  Time Until Alarm
Okay, my phone is a jerk.
Backstory:  My right-before-sleeping routine includes checking to make sure my alarm is set correctly on my phone. To do this I always tap the existing everyday alarm and confirm the time is where I want it.  When I hit "done" a little message pops up saying "Alarm set for [blank] hours and [blank minutes] from now."
Normally I'm all for this added confirmation that I haven't accidentally set the alarm for PM or something, but when it's after 1 in the morning, I REALLY don't want to know that I now only have "6 hours and 14 minutes" to sleep!! ...Please tell me I'm not alone in this!

Thing Five:  $35 Purchases
I have discovered that $35 purchases are the weakness in my money management.  For $40, I stop and think on if it's worth it, but $35 I ring through the debit card without a thought. But those sneaky purchases add up so stinkin' quickly! Makes me sad to be such a gullible consumer.

Thing Six:  1 Peter 2:2-3
// Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness. //
Not an unfamiliar piece of scripture, but it stood out to me in a very different way recently. There is so much more here than an analogy of how desperately we should be dependent on the Lord's provision. Being saved is so awesome, so stellar, that it's easy to think that it is the end goal. Why even search, we have achieved salvation! It's so easy to grow complacent with this attitude, but scripture here tells us that God has so much more planned for us!  "Grow into a full experience of salvation... now that you have tasted of the Lord's kindness."  This marvelous act of sending Jesus to die for our sins so that we can be right with Him is just a taste of His kindness, just a glimpse of his goodness to us. What if we lived, daily, allowing ourselves to crave the nourishment He desires to give us? He wants to show us SO MUCH MORE. A study I did recently had this quote in it, 'God invites us to a personal breakfast with him and says, "Come here, child. I have something special to give you today."' I'm not perfect in this (like, EVER), but I keep reminding myself to stop depending on my own righteousness to keep me spiritually nourished and to rely on His righteousness which won't just satisfy, but has the inherent ability to change everything.

Toodles my lovelies :) Have a wonderful day!

New Look

For the blog that is.

Isn't it purty?

Didn't change any of the HTML this time, though I may next time in order to do away with the rounded corners... To be determined.  For now, this be it :)

Sorry I'm Late, Rick Riordan

Dear Rick Riordan,

(I sincerely hope you never read this)

I'm sorry that I'm late.

The thing is... Your timing sucks.

Your books became popular just as I stepped out of the age group they were geared towards.  You know how it is, 15 year olds are desperate to separate themselves from the so immature 13/14 year olds and be accepted into the ranks of maturity-abounds 16/17 year olds.  Harry Potter was the "cool" book series (and I loved it, duh) and Percy Jackson was "childish".

But I'm older now, and the critics be darned, I'm reading your books!

I'm 9 years late, but I hope you'll forgive me :)

Now I rant.

What the crap movie makers??  In my ignorance, I liked the movies!  In my naivety, I thought the book lovers were blowing things way out of proportion! "Movies made from books always disappoint," I said. "It can't really be that bad," I said.

BUT IT IS THAT BAD!!  Oh, the injustice that such a talented author has drawn such a short straw that it can hardly be called a straw!  The movies are great, but they are so loosely based on your books they shouldn't even share their name!!!  I honestly really enjoyed the movies, but now that I've read The Lightning Thief and The Sea of Monsters, I feel torn in my loyalties.  It's like loving two people with the same name... They are completely separate individuals and you love them for that, but you constantly have to differentiate between them when you talk about them (brother Steve, other Steve) and everybody ends up confused.

Sigh... This is where I stop ranting.

To sum up:  Your books are awesome, I look forward to reading the rest (and conveniently catching up right as the finale to Heroes happens, that worked out nicely).  The movies based on your books are also awesome, though horrible adaptations of your stories.  And I'm sorry I'm so late to your party.

Best wishes :)

Grace is...

(An excerpt from the last day of Beth Moore's Children of the Day study on 1 & 2 Thessalonians)

Like those original readers, we are saved by grace, chosen by grace, called by grace, and gifted by grace. Maybe a few word pictures could sketch illustrations for an encyclopedia of grace.

Grace is an inflated raft that can submerge to the floor of the sea to save you.

Grace is the silver thread that stitches up the shreds of mangled souls.

Grace calls the waitress to the table and sits her down to wash her feet.

Grace sees underneath the manhole on a street of self-destruction.

Grace is the air to draw a breath in the belly of a whale.

Grace is the courage to stand in the shamed wake of a frightful failing.

Grace is the only fire hot enough to burn down a living hell.

Grace waits with healing in His wings when we're too mad to pray.

Grace is the gravity that pulls us from depravity.

Grace races us to the Throne when we make haste to repent -- and it always outruns us.

Grace is the doorpost dripping red when the angel of death grips the knob.

Grace is the stamp that says "Ransomed" on a life that screams "Ruined".

Grace sets a table before me in the presence of my enemy, even when my enemy is me.

Grace is the cloak that covers the naked and the palm that drops the rock.

Grace is divine power burgeoning in the absence of all strength.

Grace proves God true and every self-made man a liar -- for the sake of his own soul.

Grace is the power to do what we cannot do, for the name of Christ to go where it has not been.

Grace is a room of a thousand mirrors, all reflecting the face of Christ.

Grace is no simple greeting -- it is a gift held out in nail-pierced hands.

When a door closes...

Long story, short:  I was not accepted into the GCPT program.

Long story, long:  At least, that is the conclusion I have come to.

It's a fair conclusion, since I didn't get an acceptance letter.

I have to "come" to it only because I missed a critical piece of information on the letter I did receive telling me that my application was being reviewed.  This particular piece was login information to the school's student portal, which would give me access to the status of my application.

I threw out that letter... so... oops.

I'm okay with this though :) for serious.  I prayed that God would close/open that door according to His will, and I am at peace with the closed door.

Long story, extended:  Now I upgrade.

Tricky thing I'm finding about closed doors is that it can mean so many things!

Does it mean "Closed: Open again next year" or "Closed: Try other door" or "Closed: Stop trying this kind of door" (by which I mean this type of program)?

I'm prayerfully trying to sort this out.  At the moment this is what I've got...

-- It's not option 3, I like this area of study and I feel that God has given me the skills and desire to do this as a career, would probably take another rejection to make me consider this an actual option from Him.

-- I have no idea which of the other two options is right.  At least, not yet.

-- What I do know is that I now have the time to do research into other schools that offer similar programs and maybe try this one again, or maybe find another even better.

-- Minimal research so far has taught me that most of the programs of this nature require at least English and Math as prerequisites, so I will upgrade those as I continue my hunger games of the contending schools.

This I also know... This gives me more time to get my life in order.  Because it isn't. And this reason, above any academic reason, I believe, is why God has closed this door right now.

Just one more thing that lets me know He's got this.  If not for pursuing this door, I would have been just as overcommitted as every other year that I didn't give time to focus on fixing parts of me that have been busted for a while.  By leading me here, God forced me to step back from being so busy.

I don't know for sure what this next couple months holds, but in the midst of all the unknown I have peace.

I'm going to upgrade, seek some inner healing, and make time to conquer the unknowns one at a time.  "Real" adulthood is intimidating, knowing that everything ahead is my responsibility, but thank goodness it would seem God can see the bigger picture.

Toodles, my lovelies.  I leave you with a nerd game joke.

Dear Love,

This is a letter for you, Love.  Not like the feeling of love, but the actual someday-I-will-call-you-Love person.

I have absolutely no idea who you are... but I miss you.

Not like I'm-sad-you've-left miss you, but I-wish-you-were-here-how-much-longer-will-we-be-apart miss you.  If you read this in a sad way, I will punch you.  This is a hopeful letter; smile while you read it, if that helps...

How do you write a letter to someone you don't know, about things you've never experienced?  I've no idea... but this has been floating in my head like a song I can't shake and I feel like the only way to articulate how I feel is to write it out.

I miss everything that I've never known about who you are, and who I am with you, and how we fit together.

I miss what it feels like to lean into you, and to feel your presence hug mine.

I miss the awkwardness of our first kiss, and the slow mastery of every kiss after that; of making out, and pushing away, because if I keep letting you do that... ...that's for later, and I miss that too.

I miss having you by my side for every adventure.  And making every day an adventure: chasing rainbows, and sunsets, and moonrises, or just marveling at fingertips touching.

I miss getting butterflies just seeing you've sent me a text, and learning how to keep those butterflies alive long after we're married and texting is relegated to grocery lists.

I miss wanting to tell you about that thing that just happened, even if you were standing beside me the whole time.

I miss being embarrassed by you, please don't do it too often :)

I miss cuddling.  (I hope you like cuddling, because if you don't I will punch you.)

I miss the easy comfort of just walking together, not needing to fill the air with anything other than footsteps in synchrony.  (With a dog?  I hope there's a dog.)

I miss caring enough to fight with you.  And from what I've heard, making up can be pretty sweet :)

I miss learning new things with you, and always seeking to learn more together.

I miss reading the Bible with you, and studying it together, and how you encourage me to be more Christlike even without saying a word (and hopefully likewise).

I miss talking excitedly about things that few people are excited about!!  And our general nerdiness that no one else needs to understand.

I miss wanting to do something crazy that we've never done before like start vlogging, or go on a road trip, or get married, or start a family, or buy a house, or build a tree house, or sleep under the stars (at least until the bugs get too bad), or I don't even know what but I want to do it with you!

I miss making music together (if in fact you are musical, fingers crossed).

I miss learning why people say love is hard, and why they say it's the best thing, and everything in between... with you.

I miss what you smell like, and feel like, and taste like, and the sound of your heartbeat with my ear pressed to your chest.

I miss the feeling of your fingers on my neck, in my hair, on my face, my back, my waist, my hands, and us leaving fingerprints on each other that can be felt for days.

I miss knowing your favorite things, and having you know mine; reading your favorite books, and sharing my favorite dessert.

I miss making all kinds of mistakes, but then figuring out what reconciliation, forgiveness, and love really mean.

I don't know who you are, but I really wish I did.  I miss you, Love.

I miss a lot of things, but I know that this list only scratches the surface.  I probably got a ton wrong/off, but I look forward to learning that in person.

-Em

Is he out there God?  Can you let him know that I'm waiting?  And, you know, give him a kick in the pants... from me? Thanks :)

This. Yes, this.

WanderingBlueWanderlust (source)

Aaaahhhhh!!

I applied to Graphic Communications and Print Technology today... I believe the title of this post adequately communicates how I'm feeling about this.

I've been told that I should receive a response from the school within a month or so... so I guess I'll keep you posted.

Now for bed.  And hopefully sleep (I'm feeling a little wired still from lingering anxiety).

// Romans 8:26-28 // And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for.  But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.  And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. //

Random Things: Episode 2

It's been a while since I've posted so I decided to do another "Random Things" post in order to tell you about all of the things that have been on my mind lately.  You can find the first installment of "Random Things" here, if you are the curious type.

Here we go! In no particular order...
Edited to add: And in the lengthiest of lengths!  Sorry... maybe I should have tackled these in separate posts... too late now!!

Thing the First: No-Poo (is a horrible name for this)
No, I'm not constipated, but thanks for the concern.  No-Poo is basically not using commercial shampoo, hence "No-Poo".  However, I think that is a terrible name and if I use it (which is rarely) I always follow it with "is a horrible name for this".  Not to be confused with not washing my hair (which I still do), this is simply not using the shampoos available on everyshelf, everywhere.  Those shampoos pretty much across the board have Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) as the second ingredient (water is the first).  Now I'm not one of those people who is typically concerned with the "chemicals" I'm putting on my body (because EVERYTHING IS CHEMICALS), but when researching my loss of natural curl, greasy everyday, frizzy, and itchy scalp issues, I came across this alternative which claims that SLS is the cause of my problems.  I think it's pretty hilarious that the most common No-Poo (is a horrible name for this) method is baking soda (as shampoo) and apple cider vinegar (as conditioner)... which is SUPER harsh on the hair of like half the people who try it!  My method currently is a shampoo from the health food store, and once that runs out I'll be trying J.R. Liggett's Shampoo Bars because they seem totally awesome :)

Thing the Second: Camping
It's finally summer!!  I really want to go camping!!!! ... The End.

Thing the Third: School
I'm going to be applying for Graphic Communications & Print Technology.  AAAAAAHHHHHH (is the sound my anxiety makes).  I'll keep you posted on that journey.

Thing the Fourth: Communication Fail
I read (actually listen to, because audiobooks are conveniently hands-free) a lot of Young Adult Fiction.  I generally find them to be more engaging, entertaining, and diverse (also, less pornographic and/or wild west) than Adult Fiction, so they are my go-to.  But right now, I'm listening to a series that is basically "The Bachelor" for determining the wife of a Prince in a dystopian America-esque place.  [For the record, this is a bad way to prepare for marriage.]  The characters are young and for the most part have not had very much relationship experience -- which isn't in itself bad... after all, neither have I -- but OHMYGOSH their communication with each other is horrible!!!  I just listened to a whole conversation (probably the fourth of this type in this book alone) between two lovebirds where neither of them is willing to be the first to admit that they love the other, both are no-at-all-subtly trying to steer the conversation so the other would say it, and the scene ended WITH NEITHER SAYING "I LOVE YOU" (or even "I really like you", or "I can't imagine life without you", or some other way around saying any kind of commitment to how they were feeling)!!!!!!  No, no, no.  Bad, bad, bad.  Based my years of collecting do's and don'ts of communication (of which I am still not an expert): If you can't even communicate the nice things in a relationship, how do you expect to be able to constructively communicate the negative.  Say what you feel, and say it as eloquently as you can; if the other person has to read between the lines, you have not communicated effectively.  </Rant>

Thing the Fifth: Packaging
I recently saw this new packaging of Tic-Tacs...

Which at first glance makes the average person go, "Holy Stink!! That huge container must hold so many Tic-Tacs!!! It says 200 and that this is limited edition!!! And isn't so cool how they made this little window so you can see all the lovely uniform pieces?!?"

But it makes me go, "Holy Stink!! Those product designers are geniuses!!! They have perfectly created a product that looks super tempting to the consumer!! Isn't it so brilliant how they made this huge container and this little window to manipulate the average person?!?"

Don't be fooled average person.  That container is only half filled with Tic-Tacs.  I'm tempted to say "Packaging: Win", but it makes me sad that people are so easily manipulated in our society.  And that members of that same society actively work to deceive people, and go even so far as to wrap it up in a pretty package.

Thing the Sixth: The Endeavor
So yeah... about that Endeavor that only happened for two days... oops.  It was a cool thought (possibly overshare-y?) and I may or may not bring it or something similar back.  I'm still in need of something to help keep me accountable to myself... we shall see!

Thing the Seventh: The Purse
I finished the purse!  Quite a while ago actually...
I did take pictures!  I'll make a post of it soon, I promise.
(Part 1 and Part 2 if you need to catch up)
On a related note:  I have a lot of crafty projects on the go and will probably post about those as well...

Thing the Eighth: TV Show Finales
Why are all the shows I've been watching lately ending at the same time?!?! No, no, no.  Bad, bad, bad.

Thing the Ninth: Feelings Chart (where have you been all my life?)
Found this on the internets... Wish I could physically refer to it in every conversation about "feelings" without that being weird....

Thing the Tenth: Hyperlinks
... Is it obvious that I just learned how to properly use hyperlinks?  I'm sorry that I'm a little obsessed, I promise to try to be less hyperlinky in the future.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's Thing the Eleventh: Teal In My Hair (must be read in the tone of Finding Nemo's "Fish in my hair!!!")  Just highlights, but boy am I stoked!!! I'm sure there will be pictures on Facebook :)

Toodles, my lovelies!

I may have to make a legitimate gold star for anyone who actually reads all these page-and-a-half posts.  If this be you, comment and I will at the very least give you a virtual high five, and quite possibly work on a way to actually give you something (possibly handmade)... ;)

"Wait" (a poem by Russell Kelfer)

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate
And the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? You said wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? 
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. 

"My future and all to which I relate,
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry!
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, 
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, 
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting ...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. 
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. 
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want... but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint. 

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; 
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. 
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence are all you can see. 

You'd never experience the fullness of love,
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, 
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart. 

The glow of My comfort late into the night, 
The faith that I give when you walk without sight. 
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask, 
From an infinite God who makes what you have last. 

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. 
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, 
But oh, the loss if you missed what I'm doing in you. 

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see, 
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. 
And though oft My answers seem terribly late, 
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Sickness is Isolating.

I've found myself in a self-created isolation.

I've had the flu for the past week and I've been avoiding people so as to keep them from getting sick.

Great plan, Emmi!!

But...

It's been 5 days of this already and I just turned down supper at my sister's due to possible contagiousness...

And... I'm feeling mighty lonely.

Great plan, Emmi...

On the somewhat-plus-side, I did quite enjoy this video today.  Good timing on that one, God.

http://youtu.be/lRcLw0rf7Io

[I should come up with a name for this]

Ugh!  I soooooo want to keep sleeping right now.

Yesterday:
I was half an hour behind starting each of the jobs, but I just worked half an hour longer so it worked out.  I don't want this to be a pattern though.  Overall, it was an okay start to making a change.  A part of me is grateful that it didn't go according to plan so that I am reminded to rely on God.

Devotional:
#SheReadsTruth 1John - Day 1 (1 John 1:1-10)
// 1 John 1:9 // But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. //
How grateful I am for this!

Sleep:
12:45am - 7:40am
I'm apparently bad at going to bed early.

Today:
My schedule is much the same (and I actually want to keep it this time), though I have the addition of bible study tonight.  I'll be reading over the material at lunch time.

Prayer:
Father, I can't decide if yesterday was discouraging or encouraging.  On one hand, my schedule was much better than recent weeks, but on the other, there was still laziness in it.  It's a process, I know.  I'm so grateful that You are so faithful and just!  Thank you for cleansing me from my unrighteousness.  I suppose this will probably have to be a daily confessing/cleansing thing, eh? I love you, Father.  Thank you for working all things for good.  Your Will be done.  In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Good Morning (Read: I really hate waking up)

Ugh, my phone screen is so bright...

Anyways, here I am.

My goal is to use this to be honest about how the previous day/night went and to communicate my plans for the day.

Yesterday:
I slept in and didn't get to the morning job til 10:45.  Second job was better because we had a lunch staff meeting so I didn't have to be think about when I was starting work (normally I'm tempted to let my lunch go long).  Evening was filled with a board meeting, but I did take the time to write yesterday's post which, I gotta say, what very liberating!  Praising God for working this change in my heart!

Devotional:
Last night I started a plan on shereadstruth.com going through 1st, 2st + 3rd John.  I'm feeling like I'll really enjoy this plan!  The text for the intro, however, last night was to read all three books! Of course on the night that I want to wake up earlier and have already stayed up to late, I have to read 7 chapters!  I did listen to them, but I didn't take the time to journal about them which will mainly be what I will talk about in this section.  I do love how much John uses the light-and-dark analogy and his very no-nosense approach to sin in our lives.  I think this will be positive especially as I begin this endeavor.

Sleep:
2:00am - 7:55am
Go to bed earlier tonight, Emmi, so that you can actually wake up for 7:30 as planned.  Tomorrow, you are not allowed to snooze your alarm!

Today:
I'm going to get ready without dilly-dallying so that I can get to Job 1 for 9:30. Get in 2 full hours there.  On my lunch I am going to look into something at the health food store that I have been putting off.  Also, find out how to contact the school I'm looking to apply to for September to ask if there is a way around upgrading (for the low low price of $950!).  I'm also going to bring my craft so that I intentionally enjoy my break.  I will start Job 2 at 1:00 as scheduled and get in 4 full hours.  (My goal is to eventually add an hour back to Job 2, and possibly longer at Job 1 depending on if there is work or not.)  In the evening I walk dogs so that will take up most of my evening.  My goal tonight is to plan out the rest of the week a little bit more intentionally.  And to come up with a good name for this endeavor since it's gonna be a daily thing!

Prayer:
Father, thank You for taking me on this heart journey!  I'm so grateful that in Your Will I can be free!  I pray for Your protection on my mind today against laziness, and Your strength as I endeavor to better manage the time you have given me.  Your Will be done!  In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

The Endeavor.

[Disclaimer: This is a brutally honest and vulnerable post for me.]

Okay so here's the thing...

Everybody struggles with something and my struggle... is laziness.

Now, when I say that most people respond with something like "Tell me about it!  I'm so lazy too!"... Which is wrong.  That's like a drug addict telling you, well, that they're a drug addict, and you responding with "Oh my gosh, I know! I use Advil like every day; I'm practically addicted!"

No.

Laziness has been my ruin.

Since midway though 12 years old, laziness has damaged my life.

I never graduated.  I couldn't make it through a full year of public school without eventually missing at least half of the days in the week.  And though sickness and stress played major roles in that, I can't deny that laziness did too.  And even though I did 5 years of correspondence, I just barely made it over the halfway point to earning my diploma.

I am a slob.  My room is a disaster zone. And if I lived on my own the rest of the house would be the same.  I actually housesit for people fairly regularly and it is not uncommon for me to leave all of the cleaning to the last day.  (Which may not sound bad, but think about the jobs that go over a week...that's a lot of dirty dished and a fair amount of garbage!)

I'm rarely on time for work.  I have mainly worked for my dad, which has been both a blessing and a curse as there is forgiveness but also enabling.  Even now, I've added in work for a man in the church and it has been a great experience, but he told me to come when I could and that too has enabled me.

Most people don't see this side of me because mostly what they see is my involvement with the church.  And somehow (coughGodcoughcough) I don't struggle with laziness in my church commitments!

But in every other area of my life, laziness has damaged me.

I feel like I'm failing at life.

BUT HALLELUJAH, GOD IS WORKING ON ME!  HE IS NOT CONTENT TO LEAVE ME HERE AND I KNOW THAT IT IS ONLY THROUGH HIS STRENGTH THAT I CAN DEFEAT THIS.

So here's where I'm at...  I've written this as my kick in the pants to make a change, and to kinda sorta introduce what I plan to do next (aka. what my endeavor shall be).

I hate waking up.  It is the worst kind of torture to wake up!  Unfortunately this is the time of day when I face the most temptation and am simultaneously least equipped to combat it.

I have had this thought to use my blog as a bit of a daily accountability tool first thing in the morning.  I have only vague ideas of what it will look like, but tomorrow morning I am going to wake up and start.  This could help, do absolutely nothing, or crash and burn.  Who knows, but I'm gonna try it anyway.  Even if it only works tomorrow, I will be grateful.

If you want to, I'd be grateful if you could commit to reading my posts, to commenting, and to keeping me accountable.  If not, that's fine.  :) Thanks for letting me share even this post with you.

................................

I leave you with the words to the hymn 'Jesus, All for Jesus'.  I heard them yesterday with new ears in light of thinking about this plan of mine.

Jesus, all for Jesus!
All I am and have and ever hope to be.
Jesus, all for Jesus!
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes, and plans,
I surrender these into Your Hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes, and plans,
I surrender these into Your Hands.

For it's only in Your Will that I am free!
For it's only in Your Will that I am free!

Jesus, all for Jesus!
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

Test

This post is unimportant...

This is just a test to see if I can use Blogger on my phone even though all of the recent reviews of the app are super duper negative...

If this works I may start an exciting (read: terrifying, daunting, probably not going to work/help) endeavor using my blog.

Toodles.

Edited to add:  It worked.

So I guess... Crap.  That endeavor thing might actually happen.

This is NOT bad news, Emmi, it just feels like bad news because you're worried.  Everything is going to be fine.