This is a letter for you, Love. Not like the feeling of love, but the actual someday-I-will-call-you-Love person.
I have absolutely no idea who you are... but I miss you.
Not like I'm-sad-you've-left miss you, but I-wish-you-were-here-how-much-longer-will-we-be-apart miss you. If you read this in a sad way, I will punch you. This is a hopeful letter; smile while you read it, if that helps...
How do you write a letter to someone you don't know, about things you've never experienced? I've no idea... but this has been floating in my head like a song I can't shake and I feel like the only way to articulate how I feel is to write it out.
I miss everything that I've never known about who you are, and who I am with you, and how we fit together.
I miss what it feels like to lean into you, and to feel your presence hug mine.
I miss the awkwardness of our first kiss, and the slow mastery of every kiss after that; of making out, and pushing away, because if I keep letting you do that... ...that's for later, and I miss that too.
I miss having you by my side for every adventure. And making every day an adventure: chasing rainbows, and sunsets, and moonrises, or just marveling at fingertips touching.
I miss getting butterflies just seeing you've sent me a text, and learning how to keep those butterflies alive long after we're married and texting is relegated to grocery lists.
I miss wanting to tell you about that thing that just happened, even if you were standing beside me the whole time.
I miss being embarrassed by you, please don't do it too often :)
I miss cuddling. (I hope you like cuddling, because if you don't I will punch you.)
I miss the easy comfort of just walking together, not needing to fill the air with anything other than footsteps in synchrony. (With a dog? I hope there's a dog.)
I miss caring enough to fight with you. And from what I've heard, making up can be pretty sweet :)
I miss learning new things with you, and always seeking to learn more together.
I miss reading the Bible with you, and studying it together, and how you encourage me to be more Christlike even without saying a word (and hopefully likewise).
I miss talking excitedly about things that few people are excited about!! And our general nerdiness that no one else needs to understand.
I miss wanting to do something crazy that we've never done before like start vlogging, or go on a road trip, or get married, or start a family, or buy a house, or build a tree house, or sleep under the stars (at least until the bugs get too bad), or I don't even know what but I want to do it with you!
I miss making music together (if in fact you are musical, fingers crossed).
I miss learning why people say love is hard, and why they say it's the best thing, and everything in between... with you.
I miss what you smell like, and feel like, and taste like, and the sound of your heartbeat with my ear pressed to your chest.
I miss the feeling of your fingers on my neck, in my hair, on my face, my back, my waist, my hands, and us leaving fingerprints on each other that can be felt for days.
I miss knowing your favorite things, and having you know mine; reading your favorite books, and sharing my favorite dessert.
I miss making all kinds of mistakes, but then figuring out what reconciliation, forgiveness, and love really mean.
I don't know who you are, but I really wish I did. I miss you, Love.
I miss a lot of things, but I know that this list only scratches the surface. I probably got a ton wrong/off, but I look forward to learning that in person.
Is he out there God? Can you let him know that I'm waiting? And, you know, give him a kick in the pants... from me? Thanks :)