The Endeavor.

[Disclaimer: This is a brutally honest and vulnerable post for me.]

Okay so here's the thing...

Everybody struggles with something and my struggle... is laziness.

Now, when I say that most people respond with something like "Tell me about it!  I'm so lazy too!"... Which is wrong.  That's like a drug addict telling you, well, that they're a drug addict, and you responding with "Oh my gosh, I know! I use Advil like every day; I'm practically addicted!"

No.

Laziness has been my ruin.

Since midway though 12 years old, laziness has damaged my life.

I never graduated.  I couldn't make it through a full year of public school without eventually missing at least half of the days in the week.  And though sickness and stress played major roles in that, I can't deny that laziness did too.  And even though I did 5 years of correspondence, I just barely made it over the halfway point to earning my diploma.

I am a slob.  My room is a disaster zone. And if I lived on my own the rest of the house would be the same.  I actually housesit for people fairly regularly and it is not uncommon for me to leave all of the cleaning to the last day.  (Which may not sound bad, but think about the jobs that go over a week...that's a lot of dirty dished and a fair amount of garbage!)

I'm rarely on time for work.  I have mainly worked for my dad, which has been both a blessing and a curse as there is forgiveness but also enabling.  Even now, I've added in work for a man in the church and it has been a great experience, but he told me to come when I could and that too has enabled me.

Most people don't see this side of me because mostly what they see is my involvement with the church.  And somehow (coughGodcoughcough) I don't struggle with laziness in my church commitments!

But in every other area of my life, laziness has damaged me.

I feel like I'm failing at life.

BUT HALLELUJAH, GOD IS WORKING ON ME!  HE IS NOT CONTENT TO LEAVE ME HERE AND I KNOW THAT IT IS ONLY THROUGH HIS STRENGTH THAT I CAN DEFEAT THIS.

So here's where I'm at...  I've written this as my kick in the pants to make a change, and to kinda sorta introduce what I plan to do next (aka. what my endeavor shall be).

I hate waking up.  It is the worst kind of torture to wake up!  Unfortunately this is the time of day when I face the most temptation and am simultaneously least equipped to combat it.

I have had this thought to use my blog as a bit of a daily accountability tool first thing in the morning.  I have only vague ideas of what it will look like, but tomorrow morning I am going to wake up and start.  This could help, do absolutely nothing, or crash and burn.  Who knows, but I'm gonna try it anyway.  Even if it only works tomorrow, I will be grateful.

If you want to, I'd be grateful if you could commit to reading my posts, to commenting, and to keeping me accountable.  If not, that's fine.  :) Thanks for letting me share even this post with you.

................................

I leave you with the words to the hymn 'Jesus, All for Jesus'.  I heard them yesterday with new ears in light of thinking about this plan of mine.

Jesus, all for Jesus!
All I am and have and ever hope to be.
Jesus, all for Jesus!
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes, and plans,
I surrender these into Your Hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes, and plans,
I surrender these into Your Hands.

For it's only in Your Will that I am free!
For it's only in Your Will that I am free!

Jesus, all for Jesus!
All I am and have and ever hope to be.