30 Days of Blogging - Day 27: Crushing

There are only 3 days left after today!!! Is anyone else freaking out right now? Because I am! I have loved this and it has been an experience completely different from my expectations, but whew, I'm ready for a break! So close!!

Today let's talk about crushes. (As in the "I have a crush on insertname" variety.)

Maybe it's just me growing up, or maybe I've believed it all along, I'm not even sure, but lately I find myself really disliking the act of crushing.

Now that I've started this, I wonder if I can even put it into words properly...

I like the concept of crushes and all things romantically inclined, don't get me wrong! But I'm tired of wasting my time.

Crushing in particular I'm finding to be a time waster. Far more time than I care to admit to even myself is spent in the daydream-flirt-pursuit-disappointment-happy-repeat cycle of crushing; the unknown in particular fueling the need to put more time into figuring out if they like me to.

The frustrating dilemma that I'm running into, however, is that I can SEE the way out of this wasting time that I would rather put towards actually building into relationships (friendly or romantic, not even necessarily with the crush, just in life), but I'm too big of a chicken to do it.

The solution is simple... Ask.

Just like the quintessential schoolyard note: Do you like like me? [ ]yes [ ]no.

All I have to do is ask, and then I will know where things stand and I can skip the unknown part and use my time more happily.

But I'm held in place by this doubt of my, til recently, conviction that I want to be asked, not be the asker.  For years I have thought this, and I have built reasons that I'm having trouble sorting out if I still believe or not.  I've always known that I COULD be the asker, but I've oft wondered if I SHOULD be.

Dang.

If you didn't believe me when I said I'm too chicken, I hope you have no doubt now! Did you read what I just wrote? For YEARS, I have literally managed to convince my nerdy self that my chickeniness is possibly justified!!

Obviously, since I'm writing this post, I'm coming to realize my folly, but chicken is a really hard trait to break, let me tell you!

At some point soon, I'm sure I'll come to the end of my patience with myself in this, but today isn't quite that day yet; I'm sorry to report. There's just so much pressure! How do boys do this? Putting yourself out there royally sucks.

Hopefully, when I finally grow some balls, I won't screw it up.

Wish future me luck! She'll probably need it...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

So... How've you been?

Hello lovelies!  It occurred to me today that I have been neglecting my poor little blog! To make up for it, here is another  Random Things  post :) Thing One:  Movies!!! So many movies coming out in November that I want to see!! Off the top of my head... Big Hero 6, Mockingjay, and The Imitation Game. I know that's only 3, but considering a that a typical month has maaaybe one, I think it's impressive. Such a random spread too! I feel like it gives a pretty good insight into my personality... you've got the love of disney/animated/adorable, the gotta-see-how-well-they-adapt-this-book-why-are-they-making-it-two-parts-that-seems-unnecessary, and the nerd in me wanting to see 1) Benedict Cumberbatch, and 2) the history behind the one of the coolest set of code-breaking nerds ever!  I'm so excited (and I just can't hide it...etc.). Thing Two:  Singing in Public I'm not sure how I missed this about myself before, but it has come to my attention lately that I
Read more

Letters to Anxiety

Edit from the future for some context: Summer of 2015 I learned that I had been living with undiagnosed anxiety. And not just for a few years, but likely for my whole life. To say that the coping mechanisms that I had learned in those 25 years were "bad" is a significant understatement. It took me 3 years from this point to learn enough healthy coping mechanisms to -start- to tip the balance in the right direction, and another 2 years before I stopped using "failure" as a label for myself. Of all the posts on this blog, this one is the one I've wanted to delete the most. Just look at it! It's so cringey!! But, for better or for worse, I've decided that it gets to stay. It was an honest moment in time, and I don't have the heart to hide it. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Hey Anxiety, You suck. Sincerely, Me P.S. I'm going to start writing you letters. I won't say daily (because we all know that isn't going to h
Read more

Dear Love, About Boxing Day...

I haven't blogged in months. This is mostly because I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety in this time and had the (decidedly disabling) thought that if I blogged at all, I should write about anxiety... Turns out that it is kind of anxiety inducing to write about anxiety. So I'm cutting myself free of that for now and I'm sure I'll write about it eventually, just not when it's a "should" write about that, but instead a "want to" write about that. I'm going to write instead about something very currently important. Dear Love, I need to talk to you about Boxing Day. Yes, December 26th. It's on a Saturday this year. (It's not important that it's on a Saturday, I was just pointing it out because I'm nervous.) So here the thing... Boxing Day is a big deal for my mom's side of the family; it's a big family reunion and all that jazz. And, well, I was kinda hoping you would be able to come this year. BUT th
Read more