30 Days of Blogging - Day 27: Crushing

There are only 3 days left after today!!! Is anyone else freaking out right now? Because I am! I have loved this and it has been an experience completely different from my expectations, but whew, I'm ready for a break! So close!!

Today let's talk about crushes. (As in the "I have a crush on insertname" variety.)

Maybe it's just me growing up, or maybe I've believed it all along, I'm not even sure, but lately I find myself really disliking the act of crushing.

Now that I've started this, I wonder if I can even put it into words properly...

I like the concept of crushes and all things romantically inclined, don't get me wrong! But I'm tired of wasting my time.

Crushing in particular I'm finding to be a time waster. Far more time than I care to admit to even myself is spent in the daydream-flirt-pursuit-disappointment-happy-repeat cycle of crushing; the unknown in particular fueling the need to put more time into figuring out if they like me to.

The frustrating dilemma that I'm running into, however, is that I can SEE the way out of this wasting time that I would rather put towards actually building into relationships (friendly or romantic, not even necessarily with the crush, just in life), but I'm too big of a chicken to do it.

The solution is simple... Ask.

Just like the quintessential schoolyard note: Do you like like me? [ ]yes [ ]no.

All I have to do is ask, and then I will know where things stand and I can skip the unknown part and use my time more happily.

But I'm held in place by this doubt of my, til recently, conviction that I want to be asked, not be the asker.  For years I have thought this, and I have built reasons that I'm having trouble sorting out if I still believe or not.  I've always known that I COULD be the asker, but I've oft wondered if I SHOULD be.

Dang.

If you didn't believe me when I said I'm too chicken, I hope you have no doubt now! Did you read what I just wrote? For YEARS, I have literally managed to convince my nerdy self that my chickeniness is possibly justified!!

Obviously, since I'm writing this post, I'm coming to realize my folly, but chicken is a really hard trait to break, let me tell you!

At some point soon, I'm sure I'll come to the end of my patience with myself in this, but today isn't quite that day yet; I'm sorry to report. There's just so much pressure! How do boys do this? Putting yourself out there royally sucks.

Hopefully, when I finally grow some balls, I won't screw it up.

Wish future me luck! She'll probably need it...

                                   

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