Perhaps my promise of silliness returning today was premature; what I have in mind is a little more on the serious side.
I have a confession (of sorts) to make.
A couple days ago when I googled an idea for what to blog on, the post I ended up posting was actually the second one that I typed up.
The first was in response to the prompt, "What is your zodiac sign and how does it match your personality?"
I thought, "Ha! This should be a goofy one! Why not give it a whirl?"
So I googled it. And I spent far more time on astrology websites than I ever have before.
Far too much time, I think now.
I was bouncing around between the websites and the blog post, making a list of all of the things that were true to my personality and the (admittedly, surprisingly few) ones that were not, when it just... started to feel uncomfortable.
I didn't understand it at the time so I just deleted what I had written and literally changed the subject, but I've had some time to think about it and I'd like to share what I've come up with.
Going into that post, I was under the mistaken impression that I would find mainly things that were wrong.
What, in fact, ended up happening is that a lot of it was shockingly right.
I found myself going from site to site just trying to find something that was false, and it was proving to be kinda hard.
I didn't (and really, really still don't) agree with the theology on the sites, but the bullet points about "me" were hard to argue with.
There was a lot of truth on those websites.
And the truths there wanted me to believe them, believe IN them.
But the Holy Spirit in my heart reminded me that I have witnessed real Truth, and those "truths" couldn't measure up to it.
The Truth I know is one that does not reduce "me" to a set of predestined bullet points, but one that sets the real me free.
A Truth that speaks of grace in the face of my real depravity; of the Truest form of love in spite of my real sins and shortcomings.
It offers me a peace beyond all understanding.
Those websites couldn't do that. The truths there left me confused and burdened.
I don't like to feel that way, but over the last few days as I have reflected on those feelings, I'm grateful for them.
They have shown me that I have forgotten how lost I was before I was found; how hopeless I was before there was real grace.
Nothing in the world can offer me anything better than that.
Forgive me, God, for coming to this place of taking your peace and hope and grace and the security you offer though Jesus Christ for granted. May I continue to be reminded that these are your free gifts to me, and my mother didn't raise me to be ungrateful. Help me, Holy Spirit, to seek an attitude of thankfulness, not entitlement; to live gratefully, not expectantly. Thank you for your mental protection when I go off unprepared for the spiritual war that I will face. Thank you for continuously teaching me. I love you, too.